Lightning
by September Severtana
Summary: Part 2 of Cumulonimbus. After that huge thunderstorm, Dean begins to question exactly what he feels for his blue-eyed angel. Of course, it takes a while for him to admit it, as well as a lot of extended metaphor.


**Told y'all there would be a second part.**

* * *

Sometimes, Dean wakes up and thinks about Castiel being born out of lightning.

Damn it all, he hates this. Ever since that storm in Minnesota, all he can think about is Cas' face covered in this weird sad look that says he really never thought he had a chance. Dean can barely look himself in the mirror when he remembers it. Cas is an angel, a beautiful, innocent being that should never have been a part of this mess. Why he wanted Dean, he doesn't know.

Castiel struck the ground, and the minds of every single person, with all the force of a lightning bolt. Stupid fitting metaphor.

There are times on the road when Dean can't seem to say anything to Sammy, and everything is so fucking silent, and all Dean wants is to drown out the silence with angry rock music, but he physically cannot open his cassette player. So Sam puts in his weird indie music, and Dean only wants Castiel to be sitting in the back seat wondering what the lyrics mean. But he isn't here.

Dean's tried every prayer he knows to get Cas to come back down to Earth. 'Our Father', 'Hail Mary', except he uses Cas' name instead. That's probably blasphemy but he's beyond caring. He needs to tell Castiel that he didn't mean to leave him behind, he didn't mean to reject him. Dean has always been scared of real love; hell if he'll ever admit it. What Cas did, so honest and open, was so out of Dean's normal range that he couldn't help but push back.

Of course, as with every possibly questionable decision he makes, it comes back to bite him in the ass.

Cas hasn't come to see he and Sam since Minnesota, and it's been a very long five weeks. No calls, no texts, no little angelic signs. It's like he vanished into thin air.

With everything he is, Dean wishes for Cas to come back to him so he can explain. But the road doesn't fill with the figure of a tall, trench-coated man. The skies are empty of clouds. The power lines aren't sparking with excess electricity, and it's wrong.

* * *

Dean is in the passenger seat of the Impala, dozing off every few minutes. Sam's doing a decent job driving, and his stupid indie music is in the CD player. Some band called the Mountain Goats. Seriously. Who names a band after that kind of animal? The songs make absolutely no sense at all, but Sam thinks it's poetry, so Dean doesn't say anything.

 _"Drift down into new dark light without any reservations_

 _You found my breaking point; Congratulations!_

 _Spent too much of my life now trying to play fair_

 _Throw my better self overboard; shoot at him when he comes up for air_

 _Come unhinged, get revenge_

 _I don't wanna die in here." ("Heel Turn 2", The Mountain Goats)_

Real cheerful lyrics, Dean knows, but he likes it. He sees so much of himself in them, past and present.

Darkness has covered the sky outside, and the two of them are on a street thirty miles out of Denver. There are no clouds, so Dean can see the stars, but he doesn't want to see them. He'd like it a hell of a lot better if the sky was as pissed off and sad as he is.

The ultra stupid thing is that Cas wasn't supposed to make him _feel_ like this! He's not supposed to feel anything, much less depressed and pissed. But that damn angel found his way into the heart Dean is only used to using for Sam and Bobby. Castiel is the person he wants to spill his life story to, talk about nothing and everything with, the one that he is completely willing to hug and hold hands with and kiss and...and _shut the hell up, Dean Winchester!_ And the worst damn thing about it is that it happened without him noticing! One minute he had a normal life, hunting things, keeping Sammy safe, doing what he was supposed to, and then, Castiel the angel with his big blue eyes and messy black hair just screwed him over! Dean doesn't deserve him by a long shot, not even close. But he _wants_ him.

Now, why did Dean reject his 'precious angel' as Sam calls Cas? Because he was fucking scared, that's why!

He growls under his breath. "Dean, are you okay?" Sammy sounds so concerned, and Dean hates it.

"Hell no. Now shut up and find a damn motel."

Sam rolls his eyes and drives faster. "Would you like to share your feelings with the group? Remember that this is a safe place," he replies snarkily.

"Do you _think_ I would share if I wanted to?"

"No." He shakes his head to emphasize his point. "Now, if you want my help, you may as well ask nicely instead of being a bloody idiotic prick."

"Have you been watching the damn Brit shows again?" Dean is so not in the mood for the accent.

"Does it matter? Currently what matters is that you've looked like absolute shit for weeks, and your temper swings between angry and sad with no middle. Is this about Cas? What did you do to him? You always look worse when it's your fault."

"Thanks a lot," Dean mutters. He doesn't say anything more, but Sam nods knowingly.

"So, you did do something, and you feel like crap about it. Maybe didn't confront your feelings and pushed against them, hurting Cas in the process? Is that why he hasn't been around lately?" Dean blatantly refuses to answer. His baby brother has too good of an instinct. "You hurt Cas, and hurt yourself, and he left to deal with that while you wallow in misery? What the hell?!"

"What do you mean, what the hell? I screwed up, and he's gone. End of story."

"No, not end of story! You're just going to sit here while he fixes himself and moves on? Dean, you will be miserable the rest of your life if you don't talk to him!"

"Fuck it, I tried that!" Dean is getting pretty damn mad now. Sam has no idea what this is like for him! "I prayed to him a hundred times, easy! Called his name during every storm, told him I was sorry, _begged_ him to come see me!"

"So you're just going to give up? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

"I don't know!" Dean yells. "Castiel changed everything, and it's not my fault!"

"This isn't about fault," Sam says quietly all of the sudden. "This is about you not owning up to the fact that you're in love with Cas."

Dean can't say anything back, because he knows Sammy is right. He's in love with that specific angel, and he's scared of being in love, always has been. Love is something that bad people can use against you, and so he tried his best over the years to become good at hiding. _Castiel_. Cas fucked up that whole thing for him, basically dissolving the barbed wire, cement and brick, two foot thick walls he had around his misshapen heart. And now, he loves Cas. Who could have seen that one coming, he thinks sarcastically.

"Yeah, I am," he replies, not looking at Sam. "I'm in love with Cas."

His brother stares at the steering wheel of Baby for a moment, and then jerkily parks her nearly into a ditch on the side of the road. Dean wants to yell at him some more, this time for almost hurting his car, but he doesn't. His throat and lungs hurt too much. He feels physically like shit now, not just mentally.

"Get out of the car," Sam says, still not shouting. "There's something you should see that you haven't this whole time."

Dean opens the Impala's door and steps outside, shivering a little in the cold air. Sam rolls down the windows and puts in a different CD. This voice is a woman's, and she sounds nostalgic and sad. When the chorus hits, Dean is crying like a baby (which he will never, ever, ever admit to anyone. Over his dead body). There are clouds gathering in the sky, but he doesn't notice.

 _"Hello from the other side_

 _I must have called a thousand times_

 _To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done_

 _But when I call you never seem to be home_

 _Hello from the outside_

 _At least I can say that I tried_

 _To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart_

 _But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore." ("Hello", Adele)_

Dean is so out of it that he doesn't see his car and brother driving away until they're gone. He curses them out for a few minutes, but he can't disrespect his car for long, so he eventually falls silent.

The road is dark and wet from rain, but that isn't very specific considering there are a lot of dark, rainy places this time of year. Dean can almost see his breath in the air, not enough for it to be below freezing. The stars are obscured when Dean looks up, and clouds have covered them. Quiet. No one else is on this road, no one for Dean to talk to. But of course, he does anyway.

"Hey Cas," he whispers, but it sounds loud. "I know you can't hear me, or you just don't want to listen, and I don't blame you. But let me say this." He takes a deep inhale. "I've never really been in love. There, I said it. I hope you've recorded it, because I won't say it again." Dean pauses. "The problem is that once it hits, love is a professional boxer right to the face. I actually know that from personal experience. You hit me worse, though, like I was struck by lightning.

"Now, I can deal with that too, because I have been electrocuted before and survived, but it wasn't just a one-time thing. You hit me every single day, Castiel. And you won't stop, even when you're not here." Dean looks at the ground. "I miss you when you're gone like there's a giant, bloody hole in my chest, and when you're here, it's painful, because you are the most beautiful person I've ever met or will ever meet." He smiles bitterly, a few stray and annoying tears sneaking their way down his cheeks.

"I love you, and I'm sorry I made it look like I don't." In a moment, Dean suddenly sees tan and blue and black, and he collapses back into the figure. The warm person holds him tightly from behind, placing his head on his shoulder and squeezing Dean's waist like it's a lifeline.

"Hi Dean," Cas says. "Sorry it took so long for me to get here."

"Any kind of reason?" Dean curls closer to his angel. "You do not get to escape my wrath after a disappearing act like that."

"I have a terrible sense of time." He can feel Cas smile against him. "I thought it had only been five days, not five weeks."

Dean turns around and glares at him. "What the hell? You can't just up and leave after saying something like that. You have to stay and make sure I actually answer you. I'm notorious for ignoring problems until they're overwhelming, so I would have for weeks after this."

"I know you would have." Cas softly kisses Dean on the cheek. "But I'm okay with that."

"You shouldn't be. Me avoiding talking to you should piss you off massively. You really should be demanding payment for that."

Castiel's smile reforms into something more like Dean's 'come hither' face. "What sort of payment do you suggest, Mr. Winchester?"

"We didn't exactly get to finish that kiss, did we?"

Cas smiles again. "No, we didn't. Kiss me?"

"You don't even have to ask." Dean carefully presses his lips to Castiel's, starting the kiss out slowly, and then moving his mouth faster, slipping his tongue along Castiel's bottom lip, running his fingers over the 5 o'clock shadow on Cas' cheek. Cas wraps his trench coat around the both of them so Dean feels like they're in a cocoon of DeanandCastiel. When they break apart, the sky crackles with electricity and the sound of rain.

"It's storming again," Cas points out. "It always seems to rain when I'm happy."

"You were born like this, in a thunderstorm. It makes sense."

"It makes more sense for you to be born in one. You're a beautiful example of it."

Dean grin widely. "Seriously?"

"Yes. I have this long explanation of why, but you probably don't want to hear it."

"Think again, baby." Dean sits on the side of the road and pats the pavement next to him. "Come on. I've been feeling poetic lately too."

And so Castiel explains how Dean is a thundercloud. Dean is totally denying blushing through the vast majority of it, and by the time Cas finishes, he can't help but kiss him again. "You know, I have some comparisons to make of my own."

"Comparisons to what?" Castiel's eyes have gotten all fuzzy and adorable.

"Electricity. When you enter a room, it's like all the lights flip on, like the whole place is brightened. When you're angry, when you're absolutely pissed, it's like you're burning holes in the ground. Cas, you blow through people like a bolt of lightning. You told me you were born from lightning, and I really wasn't surprised at all. You're amazing, you know?"

"I'm not that amazing in the world of ang-" Dean cuts him off with a kiss.

"Shut up. Let me compliment you."

"I believe the phrase used in this situation would be 'the pot calling the kettle black'." Cas smirks and Dean glares at him.

"Don't push your luck, angel." Dean takes Castiel's hand. "Now, we should probably find some way to get my car back."

Sometimes, Dean wakes up and thinks about Castiel being born out of lightning. It's because storms have become his home.

* * *

 _Like a lightning bolt to the heart, you woke me up, woke me up_

 _You brought me out of the dark with just one spark, just one spark_

 _Now I can feel your pulse kickstarting this lifeless soul_

 _Like a lightning bolt to the heart, you woke me up, woke me up ("Lightning", Cash Cash feat. Johnny Rzeznik)_

* * *

 **Well, there you have it. Hope y'all enjoyed. I know, the music is kind of random, but those were the songs I was thinking about at the time. Read + review!**


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